Getting Real About Rejection in the Writing Industry
When Rejection Hits Hard and Close to the Heart
The last twenty-four hours of my life have been the most heartbreaking of my author career. But let's zoom back a few days:
Life is always full of ups and downs, and with my third book coming out in three weeks, I had thought I'd experienced all the hard I was going to with my books in reference to reviews. I'd received my first two stars. I'd gotten my first DNF (by a fellow author), I've received some hard-to-hear feedback, some blatantly hurtful comments because of who knows what--people who have needed to attack me for some reason or other. But what I haven't experienced is my first emailed rejection review from someone I considered a friend.
But now I have.
Rejection is a painful spiral
I have OCD, and so my thoughts are a minefield on a good day, but throw in a review that just felt like someone looking only at the things I did poorly in my book, and it was just plain hard.
Let's chat about how I review other indie authors as one myself.
I have been told by many other authors that they don't review other authors' work, and I have wanted to push back on that, because who better understands the need for reviews than authors themselves? So I have ARC-read and reviewed books specifically for indie authors or friends. When I review, I have chosen to focus my rating and review specifically on what the author did well. Some may say that this is dishonest, but is it not just as dishonest to leave a review with only negative things and that's everywhere? But truly, in my review, I like to detail out what the author did well and explain that is what I gave the rating on, and then simply explain what I didn't like more as an opinion piece, unless something was done poorly or goes against my moral code.
The goal of reviews: to get the book in front of the right readers
I take this seriously. My reviews focus on trying to give keywords and phrases that I think will trigger the right person to find the right book. So for me, I am not particularly excited about a book that seems rambly, but if the book was rambly because of beautiful words, I will state that, saying, "If a reader enjoys gorgeous walks through detail," they would love this book.
I have spent a lot of time reading books. For twenty years now, I have facilitated writing groups, and I have alpha read sooo many genres. I received a degree in English and Creative Writing, and read hundreds of books, both published and unpublished, to receive that degree. I also developed an eye for seeing how books affect certain readers. For the last four years, I have been paid to read book after book, as well as read books for fun, and then, for the last two years, I have really stepped into being an ARC reader, beta reader, and reviewer. I have a pretty good eye for seeing positives in a book that would attract a certain reader. I point those out. I rate the book on those strengths. I feel like it is an honest way to rate and review and matches my life experience and personality.
So that's why it hurts so much, right, to be rejected by someone you know.
My indie writing journey started back in 2017. That's when I first created my social media accounts and started posting. The goal was to publish, but being rejected by so many of my friends and family when I asked if they'd be willing to read my book flared up my insecurity so much that I stopped. There were a few excellent champions in there, but ultimately I only listened to the critics.
Then, in 2023, I had a book picked up by a trad publisher. Almost at the finish line, they pulled the plug, said they didn't think my book was a good fit for them, and that was it. I thought I just needed to give up.
Rejection is something I have dealt with intimately. I had a writing instructor tell me that he hated my writing style; he'd give anything to never have to read it again, but on craft and voice alone, he gave me an A on my capstone, so I guess that's saying something. In fact, he wrote me a letter that kept pushing me on.
Some people will love you, and some people will hate you--and while I hate your style, you need to keep going until you find your people. People with unique voices like yours who don't give up are the ones who end up somewhere.
While this is paraphrased, it has kept me going through rejections, acceptances, gushing praise, and scathing hatred. Finding my people is hard, but worth it.
Except for when the personal rejection strikes.
Dealing with Personal Rejection
One thing I try so hard to do is to be the person God wants me to be, but how do I do that?
I try to reframe rejection as a redirection:
Just because someone doesn't like my stories doesn't mean they don't like me. And maybe sometimes people aren't very good at giving fair and balanced reviews (maybe they don't care to either, but again, I'd rather assume the good about someone else, even if it hurts.)
This reader didn't like my story, but that doesn't mean no one will. Since I will have four books out this year, I can positively encourage you to believe that there will be someone who loves your stories. I promise.
Take what they didn't like in the story and use it in advertising to help weed out certain readers. And this one is hard. We all want everyone to love our stories, but unfortunately, they won't. It feels hard to say "if you are this kind of reader, don't read my book" but honestly, it has been so good for me and it has resulted in better reviews, more word-of-mouth recommendations, better sales, and feeling less rejected.
I evaluate my personal boundaries and shift them when necessary.
I am a huge cheerleader, supporter, and lover of all people who put themselves out there and create. It's vulnerable. But I only have so much energy. I can only consistently pour into people who pour back. I always try to cheer, support, and help where I can, and to reciprocate as often as possible, but my time is limited, and it has to go where it will benefit me or where I prioritize the focus. As a child of God, I also recognize that my creative endeavors are also a job. I give a lot in many areas of my life, including this one. If someone takes and the return is hurtful or just more taking, I tend to step back and only give when I can do so and not feel frustrated or want to retaliate or feel like a victim. It's not selfish. It's giving your best self where your best self is needed (I often say, if I am kind to this stranger and mean to my family because my kindness reservoir is depleted, then I need to refocus that kindness to those who matter most.) I'm not perfect at it, but it's my priorities that need the best of me.
Rejection happens everywhere, all the time, as an author. And if you're on the receiving end, it hurts. If you are on the giving end, please do what you can to do it kindly.
In the end, though, don't let rejection be the thing to end your creative career. Rally. Shake it off. Boundary up. Smile. Keep going. That's how you become successful.